"All
children are brilliant, beautiful and take after their Grandmother"
---
A very true statement! I
am very much like my mother who in return was very much like her mother; the
three of us were like a set of Matryoshka Dolls.
My grandmother was born and
raised in Brooklyn, NY. A true New Yorker indeed, however after raising
her family in New York the time came to move to New Jersey to be with her
family as they had moved a few years prior and most of all she wanted to be
with her grandchildren. She took pride in her grandchildren and spoiled us
rotten, yet set us straight when were misbehaving. She spent as much time
as she could with John-Paul, Paul Andrew and myself and we have some pretty
amazing memories of our time with her.
I remember every Friday night
my grandmother along with my mother took John-Paul and I to the Deptford mall,
every week no question about it. It was always a fun time as mama always
spoiled us kids and I remember my mother saying "stop spoiling them, they
have enough." Mama simply looked at my mother and said, "When you
have grandchildren of your own you may do the same and the beauty of a woman in
my position is that I get to enjoy them and give them back to you at the end of
the day." After shopping around at the mall we would always stop for ice
cream at TCBY in the mall, it became tradition. I however did not like TCBY, so
I would sit there in a snit as my mother was like, just try it. Mama rescued me
every week and said "come on Danielle; let's get you something else in the
food court that you will enjoy." I skipped away holding mama's hand and
always looking back and sticking my tongue out at my mother as if to say
"HA."
It was a Friday afternoon and
John-Paul and I just got home from school and mama was there. She sat
John-Paul and I down to let us know that she and papa were taking us to Disneyworld
that summer. We were so excited!! As school ended for the year we were getting
ready and counting the days, however it was no surprise That Paul Krug Sr.
would back out as he had more important things to do than to spend time with
'two brats' he would never call his grandchildren. Mama was heartbroken, but my
mother turned her frown upside down and said "I’ll go, it will be
wonderful time." It was indeed a wonderful time, although things started
out shaky. A simple two hour flight seemed to last two days to mama and my
mother as I sat with mama on the plane with a double ear infection and my were
ears popping all over during flight and I screamed the whole way as everyone on
the plane just starred at my grandmother as she rocked me a tried to calm me down.
Mama was not disturbed by the stares and comments of the other passengers and
she screamed to them "she has a double ear infection and is in pain and if
I could give all of you the same ear infections I would, just to see how you
like it." The stares and comments quickly ended, mama was a sharp shooter
and did not let anyone get in her way. Meanwhile, my mother had the pleasure of
minding my brother as he sat there throwing up repeatedly as my mother screamed
to the flight attendant "we need another bag and for Christ sake just
bring me a stack and stop bringing me one at a time, I’ll give the remainder
back after the flight, I promise." Another sharp shooter and a woman who
let nothing or no one get in her way. Despite the flight, the rest of our
vacation was amazing and indeed wonderful.
The following year, mama was
blessed with another grandchild, Paul Andrew Krug. He joined the grandchildren
clan and we had so fun with mama as we all continued to be spoiled and loved. I
was happy because Paul Andrew was a boy and I was still the only girl and
mama's princess. Two years later, Aunt Maryann was expecting another child, I
prayed day and night saying, "Please let Aunt Maryann have another boy,
please let Aunt Maryann have another boy, please let Aunt Maryann have another
boy, etc." Indeed on December 28th a baby boy was born, Michael Steven
Krug and I was still the only granddaughter and princess.
Two months later I was excited
as Michael's Christening was the following Saturday and I would get to see the
family and have a great time as usual. Yet that Sunday before and I remember it
very well, mama was sick and in the hospital. That Sunday night my mommy came
into the room where John-Paul and I were watching cartoons and I said "do
we have to go to school tomorrow? Can we take off to go and see mama,
please?" My real motive was not to have to go to school, but I thought
throwing mama's name in the mix would help my case. My mother sadly replied,
"No, mama passed away and is in heaven now, no school tomorrow or the rest
of the week." My tiny heart broke and I would have rather gone to school
over that. That Saturday Michael was never christened, it was on hold as we all
had a funeral to attend. It was a very sad day for all of us. I remember
sitting in the church pew as a little kid and thinking "why did she leave
me? I was her princess." I never understood and perhaps never will.
As time moved on and us kids
grew up and I remember Michael saying that "mama sounded like an amazing
woman and I am sorry I never got to know her better."
She was indeed wonderful and I
felt his pain, but my mother to the rescue, took care of all her nephews as her
own, just like mama did to her grandchildren. Yet as she did that I still saw
the glimmer of sadness in my mother's eyes everyday of her life. She lost her
mother and for over nineteen years had to live with that and it broke her heart
every day. I remember talking with my mother as I expressed my own sadness at
the loss, but I truly did not know what that pain was like. I said to her,
"We were taught and raised right and it’s you and me forever kid and I
want to have you here as long as forever, I love you so much." She smiled
and said "It absolutely is us 'kids' and I would never wish the loss of a
mother on my worst enemy, what a tragedy and she was so young at 63 years old,
can you imagine? It is simply not fair” I simply replied, "No I can never
imagine, nor do I ever want too."
I wonder if my mother is eating
her own words now "what a tragedy and she was so young at 63 years old,
can you imagine? It is simply not fair."
Indeed life is unfair and that
was a lesson mama taught me, even at an early age. She also taught me to
make the best of every situation as there is nothing that could not be
resolved. It may take some work and patience, but everything always seems
to work out with the right attitude and efforts. My mother taught me the
same.
A loss is never easy to define,
so many "whys." However, as my grandmother taught me - every
situation must be made the best of no matter what. Despite my many
moments of nervous breakdowns over the loss of both mama and my mother I am
pulling full effort to make the best of what has transpired. You see I
could sit here and cry and curse the world, but what good would that do?
Mama taught me better than that. While sadness can creep in I am
learning to soak it in when appropriate and the rest of the time is spent
honoring a life well lived. It could be as simple of making a right
decision and following advice that mama gave me years ago and knowing that she
is smiling from heaven because of it.
So this Friday - February 24,
2012 will be the 20th anniversary that mama passed away and instead of dwelling
in my grief I will take a spin around the Deptford mall just like we always did
every Friday with mama and as an added bonus, I will spend my father's money
just as my mother always did ;-) I will remember two very special ladies
all in one shot, haha!
