Self Sufficient Yet Always Spoiled

I was taught by my Mother at a very young age to become very self sufficient.  I remember the times when I was barely two feet tall and she said “Danielle, there are dishes in the sink – do you think they are going to wash themselves?”  I stood there perplexed, but replied “I can’t reach the sink.”  Thinking to myself ‘hah, beat that one Kathleen,’ however she kindly replied “drag one of the kitchen chairs over to the sink, take your sneakers off, stand on the chair and you will be able to reach the sink.”

I was not amused with her response, but stood on the chair washing dishes as she monitored from the corner of her eye and stating “dish soap doesn’t grow on trees, use less soap.”  

Pft, as I used more dish soap than necessary just to spite her. 

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Dishes were done and I went to watch cartoons on the couch.  Finally some relaxing time as I lay on the couch flipping through cartoons I heard a voice!  “Danielle the hamper looks full to me; clothes don’t wash themselves you know.”

I screamed back, “I can’t reach the washer to put the clothes in.” 

That ought to shut her up I thought to myself. 

All of a sudden she spoke “you know the chair you stood on to do the dishes?  It will work for the washer so gather the clothes, drag the chair over and get started – oh and don’t use too much laundry detergent!” 

I did as was told, but used a little extra laundry detergent :->

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While much of my discipline involved countless “Cinderella” tasks while growing up, it taught me the ropes so I would know how to function as a teenager/adult to be self sufficient.  However, Kathleen did spoil my Brother and I with tasks that we were fully capable of doing ourselves, however why would we when Mommy was always there? 

The picture below hit home for me as I related to each and every one of them. 

Mom can you tie my shoe?  At 22 years old I was walking the wildwood’s boardwalk with My Mother and she said to me “Your shoe is untied.”  I looked down and indeed she was correct so I said “can you tie it?”  She looked at me like no so I said, “No one ties shoes like you do.”  Sure enough she said “put your foot on the bench, I am not bending down for this shit” and she tied my shoe. 

Mom I am done with my banana, can you take it?    After running the Disney marathon, I gulped down two banana’s while standing next to a trashcan with my Mother and when I was done I handed her the banana peels and said “Here, I am all done.”  She replied, “Okay the trash can is right next to you.”  I said, “I just ran a marathon and you want me to exert my tired arms?”  She took my banana peels and tossed them into the trash can right next to me. 

Mom can you come cover me with my blankie, I can’t reach it.  When I was 5 years old I went to bed, but awoke to find my blankie had inched its way to the foot of my bed so I screamed out “Mom Mom Mom!”  She busted into my room in a panic and said “What’s wrong, are you okay?”  I replied, “Yes, but my blankie made its way to the end of my bed and I can't reach it, can you hand it to me?  I can’t fall back asleep without it.”  She snatched my blankie and threw at my face and said, “go to sleep, good night – love you.”       

Can I have a bite of yours?  Often times my Mother and I would go out to eat and we would order the exact same things.  When our food came I took a bite of mine and then said to her, “can I taste yours?”  She would reply “you have the exact same thing.”  As I reached over to her plate with my fork I replied, “I know, but yours might taste better and if so we can switch.”

Mom can you carry me?  Many memories of this as Mom and I walked from North Wildwood to the crest and back.  I was very young and short and my legs became tired easily so I would always stop and scream “CARRY ME” and stood there until she did. 

Such great memories and the final picture was the last one we had ever taken, we were making silly mirror faces taking pictures testing her new iPad camera! 

Ball and Chain since April 06, 1975

JOHN!  I am awake and my coffee is not on my nightstand, chop chop.

JOHN!  My engagement ring diamond has not been upgraded in seven months, did you lose my private jewelers number? 

JOHN!  Take out the trash.

JOHN!  My new Coach handbag is two months old, they just opened a Coach store in the Deptford mall you know. 

JOHN!  Thomas Kinkade just unveiled his latest painting and I don't see a signed and master highlighted artist proof original hanging on the wall.  

JOHN! JOHN! JOHN!

For over 36 years my Father was privileged to hear his wife’s lovely voice spouting commands on a daily basis and he enjoyed every moment of it.  My Mother was classy high maintenance, but John treated her like a queen and always without question.  

My Father is more of a quiet man, low stress and easy going and was the perfect balance for Miss classy high maintenance. 

On the flip side, Kathleen mothered my Father for those 36 years.  She kept him organized, in line and a float at all times.  He was very much spoiled by her nurturing personality and demeanor. 

They complimented each other very well and had over 36 years of happiness and joy! 

Their love story began at a dive bar in Brooklyn, NY.  My Father's Brother was to be setup with a lovely Lady from the neighborhood.  My Father went along for the drinks at the bar.  Next to him at the bar sat a classy Lady, she was under age so sweet talked my Father into buying her wine.  He was so nervous throughout their entire conversation and twiddled his thumbs, but finally built the courage up to ask her on a date.  She said “sure, why not” and a year later they were married.  Life is funny as she was the Lady my Uncle was to be setup with, only he never showed.  Love is a gamble, but my Father got the Queen.   

Filling Some Shoes

“The role of director is essential and a thankless job, but someone has to do it” – Kathleen Vermitsky

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A director is defined as the following - a person usually responsible for the creative development of interactive entertainment, and is generally regarded as the prime design of authority.

I've said this before, but my Mother hosted every holiday and as the director of operations we would all wake up to Kathleen’s angelic voice each holiday as she spoke the following ..

“JOHN start cooking, food doesn't make itself."

"DANIELLE I want this house scrubbed clean from top to bottom so much that if someone drops food on the floor they would still be able to eat it.

"JOHN-PAUL carry the dining room table leaf down, install it and set the table." 

"I have twenty-five plus people coming over and you three are sleeping at 5am on your holiday day off, am I the only who does anything around here?”

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I could never fully fill my Mother’s shoes, however this morning as per usual I hosted Easter breakfast.

I found myself at 5:27AM waking John up yelling for him to start cooking.

After Mass, I came home and paced the house waiting for John-Paul and just as I was about to text him a nasty gram of “where the hell are you, I have an umpteen number of folks who will be here in an hour and a half and you are probably sleeping” he walked through the door before I had the chance to finish my text.  He is lucky I thought to myself.

As my Father and Brother worked tirelessly finishing up the breakfast food preparations I stood there monitoring like wallpaper on the wall.  I started to pace as we had thirty seven minutes left and as I walked back into the kitchen as those two continued the food preparation I looked at them and spoke “Is the dining room table going to set itself?”

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Everything was pulled together and as folks began to filter out to catch a nap before dinner they all said “Everything was beautiful and the food was great, thank you.”  This is the icing on the cake as I spoke out “It is always my pleasure, you’re all very welcome, thank you for coming.”

What can I say as the apple does not fall from the tree and no I did not cook one thing nor did I set the table.  I carried on my Mother’s legacy and assumed the role that she held so dear every year as director and director only.

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Thank you to My Father and Brother for your efforts as everyone enjoyed everything.  It was a great day with all of the family, enjoy!  

The Black Box

My brother and I were going through Mother’s things after her passing.  John-Paul picked up the black box and opened the secret compartment a top.  “Awe” I heard him say as I turned around to find a tear streaming gently down his face.  He handed me the box and I looked in the secret compartment only to find it filled with baby teeth.  My Mother kept everyone of our baby teeth in the secret compartment of the black box. 

It was a bittersweet moment for both my Brother and I so I decided to lighten things up as I replied “Mommy was the tooth fairy?”

We both laughed with happy tears and my brother said, “She was a great woman who wore many hats.”  I agreed and began to reminisce of the agonizing pain of when I lost my baby teeth.

My first one was my left front tooth.  I remember it wiggling and playing with it all day wondering when it would come out so I could get my money from the tooth fairy.  We sat at dinner and I barely ate as I kept wiggling the tooth.  My father, infamous for one line zingers said to me “If you want that tooth out so bad I can tie a string to it and the other end will be on the door knob and when I slam the door shut, poof the tooth will pop out.”  That sounded painful and a chill went down my body just thinking about it. 

I declined his generous offer and just kept wiggling with my tongue.  I went to sleep that night and my Mother told me, when the tooth is ready it will come out. 

I lay in bed still wiggling when all of a sudden I felt the tooth hanging by a string.  This is it I thought to myself as I pushed my little glasses up on my face and took a deep breath as I yanked the hanging tooth right out of my mouth.  Yay I will get money tonight as I jumped out of my bed and knocked on brothers door screaming “John-Paul, wake up I lost my first tooth.”  He was not amused and rolled over to go back to sleep.  Forget him I thought, I will have more money than him as I scurried downstairs to tell Mommy and Daddy.  I quickly knocked and then busted through their bedroom door screaming and holding up my tooth.  “Look Mommy and Daddy, my tooth came out can we leave it for the tooth fairy tonight?” 

Sure my Mother replied as she went to her closet and pulled out a miniature sized pillow with a little pocket in the front to place the tooth.  I remember that pillow well, it was checkered with yellow and white and the little pocket had a duck sewed onto it.  My parent’s brought me back up to bed and we placed the mini tooth bearing pillow under my bed pillow.  My Mother then said, “You lost a tooth late at night and the tooth fairy probably started her rounds so you better fall asleep fast so she can come tonight, remember she only comes only if you are sleeping.” 

“Okay” I replied as my Mother took my little glasses off my face and placed them on my nightstand and tucked me in.  They both kissed me goodnight and I was off to dreamland. 

I awoke the next morning and immediately searched under my pillow and found five dollars!  I am rich!  I am rich!  I screamed as I knocked on John-Paul’s door and then busting through and waving my money in his face.  He was not amused and rolled over to go back to bed.  He is just jealous I thought as now I am a millionaire and he is not.  I ran downstairs to show Mommy and Daddy. 

“Wow, congratulations my father replied – you can pay the bills this month.”  I giggled and replied “silly Daddy that’s your job.” 

We all laughed and my mother said “we can go to the bank and deposit that into your bank account”

I had already spent the money in my head on hard candy and bubble gum from the Mr. Bulky candy store in the mall, but I liked my Mother's tactic to save my money and have her buy me the hard candy and bubble gum on her dime. 

After breakfast, my Mother and I went to the bank.  Mother filled out the deposit slip and as we approached the counter she held me up so I could hand the teller my slip and million dollars.  Before the teller could speak I said “That is money from my first tooth I lost, do you want to see?”  Not really giving her a choice if she wanted to see or not I leaned over the counter with my mouth wide open pointing to the empty space in my mouth.  “Congratulations” the teller replied, keep saving she said and interest on the account will maximize your money so you have more.  

We deposited my millions and were on our way home. 

Interest I kept thinking to myself as I secretly counted the remaining baby teeth in my mouth and at five bucks a pop, I will never have to work a day in my life.  I smiled and began working on my right front tooth. 

It took me a while, but a few weeks later my right front tooth finally popped out. 

It was bedtime and we placed my mini tooth pillow under my bed pillow and I was off to bed dreaming of my mansions and Corvettes that I would be able to have with my tooth fairy money.  I awoke the next morning ready to collect my million dollars once again only to find A DOLLAR?!?! 

What a cheapskate I thought to myself as I marched downstairs to demand an answer. 

I sat at the breakfast table lamenting to parents of how cheap the tooth fairy has become.  “Can you believe her” I said to them.  ”She went from five dollars to one dollar, who does that?” 

My Mother chimed in, “Well the last tooth was your first tooth so she probably gave you a little extra for the special occasion.” 

"Do you think it will be a dollar going forward for all of my other baby teeth?” I asked.

My Mother replied, “I would imagine so.”

I sat there thinking how this threw a big wrinkle in my interest amortization schedule.  I went from tooth fairy money plus interest on five bucks a pop to billionaire and now I had to recalculate and adjust.  Just then my Father spoke “And when you get your wisdom teeth out, you’ll have to pay taxes.”

Taxes, I forgot about them and at this rate I will have to get a job when I am older and at that moment my plan had been foiled. 

Three Boards

We have all heard the line Quality vs. Quantity, but how many of us learn that to be true as one of the greatest thoughts to live by.  My personal experience of the idea was at my first Karate tournament.  It was at the Tropicana casino in Atlantic City, my parents, brother and my cousin Paul were all there to watch me compete. 

My first competition was breaking.  I had practiced my routine for months and would be breaking one board with a chop followed by an ax kick breaking two boards.

As my age and belt group was called I knew I was ready! 

That is until I saw six other women walk up with their stacks of boards.  I panicked and pulled my buddy Rommel (a Black Belt) to the side and said “Mel, I need more boards, everyone else has like seven, eight and nine boards.”  He told me not to worry and to go out compete just like I had practiced. 

I was last up to compete out of the group and sat while watching the others setup with all their fancy boards as I looked at my little stack of three boards. 

It was finally my time to shine so I setup my routine, introduced myself and asked permission from the judges.  This is it I thought to myself as I chopped through one board turned around and broke through the last two boards with the ax kick.  I bowed to judges and turned around so they could give their scores and saw my cousin Paul gave me a thumbs up. 

I turned back around, bowed to judges and then lined up with other six ladies as we awaited the results. 

I stood there staring at three trophies – first, second and third place.  They announced third place and then second place and I didn't take either.  I thought to myself great, I probably won’t even place with my three dopey boards, but my thoughts were interrupted as I heard Master Giacobbe announce “First place goes to Danielle Vermitsky.”

I was thrilled and shocked to say the least, but made sense as I was the only one who broke all the boards on the first try.  The other ladies took at least two tries and some didn't even break all the boards they had.  You see, performance was based on proper form and execution all in one try. 

I still have those three dopey boards, which are now six halves and often look at them as a reminder of a lesson well learned – Quality not Quantity.

The Waiting Room

I was at the eye specialist this morning and as I was sitting in the waiting room; across from me were this little old lady and her daughter.  The older lady said to her daughter “how much longer, we've been here for hours?”  The daughter replied, “We just got here and the doctor will see you when he is ready.”  The older lady replied “when will that be we've been waiting for hours.”

Much of their conversation continued on like that where the older lady kept asking similar questions like a two year old for the next five minutes.  I couldn't help but laugh as a tear streamed down my face realizing I was jealous of those two.  As my name was called, I got up and smiled at them both and then looked the daughter in the eyes and said, “Your Mother is quite the gift, enjoy her.”

As I walked away, the older lady said to her daughter “You hear that, I am a gift now maybe you’ll answer my damn question and tell me how much longer?”  

Happy Moment

"Where are you?"

"Here"

"What time is it?"

"Now"

"What are you?"

"This Moment”

As I troll through Facebook this morning, I see numerous posts about The New Year and how some folks were glad to see 2012 go and how 2013 is going to be better. 

So I am sitting here wondering what is so magical about the clock striking midnight.

There is nothing new about today that was not new about yesterday other then the fact that we were given new moments to live with and take advantage of.  The more important question is what you did with those moments yesterday vs. the new ones today.  I would venture to say that the posts I read this morning will be posted next year again and by the same folks.  It is important to realize that the clock striking midnight on the birth of a new year will not change anything as it is up to the individual to take advantage of the moments they are given as a gift, not a guarantee; key point – gift not guarantee.

So with this new moment upon us, I encourage all of you to answer the above questions honestly for yourselves and take advantage of the Here, Now and Moment and realize that each one is a special opportunity.