The Wonder Years

“Sisters function as safety nets in a chaotic world simply by being there for each other.” - Carol Saline

Tayler came into my life fifteen years ago, I remember it well as a fifteen year old myself at the time I shrugged my shoulders and mumbled “Oh, great, another ‘ONE’” as my mother held her in her arms saying to me “isn’t she beautiful?”

Tayler was ALWAYS around, every day I would come home from a long day at school and mommy would always have a smile on her face and say “look what Tayler did.” I smiled at her ‘ABC’s and 123’s’ that were clearly outside the lines and replied to mommy “hey I got a 97 on my geometry test and that teacher is impossible, but I studied and wrote my index cards and will have an A+ for the marking period.” My mother replied “That’s nice, congratulations” as she scurried around to find a spot on the refrigerator to hang Tayler’s masterpiece up for all to see.

Years moved on that same way and as time passed and Tayler was now old enough to become my partner in crime as oppose to my ‘nemice.’ I quickly took her under my wings and laid the ropes down. She replied, “Okay big sissy, whatever you say.”

We operated well together and I began to teach her things about life and stuff and all while still getting into our own mischief as we became no strangers to the idea of being grounded on a regular basis. Yet we were still spoiled, whatever we wanted was provided to us and we have had some pretty amazing memories of just hanging out, going on vacations and family parties.

The best was always the Hershey Park trips with mommy! I remember one year I was at my Symantec conference all morning only to come into the park to Tayler and mommy saying ”Ugh, what took you so long and please carry our stuff, HERE!” At least they said ‘please’ and then I was like let’s just get a locker for all the stuff. They both replied SIMULTANEOUSLY, “We got one, but this stuff would not fit.” Oh hell no I thought to myself, I am not lugging your crap all over the park all day so I said “give me the key and locker number; I’ll get fit it in.”  Tayler quickly replied “Danielle, the new locker system is complex so I will show you how to open it, but we tried for like a half hour and the stuff will not fit.” As a mathematics genius and IT Specialist I was certain I would be able to figure it out, but I amused the kid and turns out that locker system was beyond me, BUT I did manage to fit everything in the locker so worked out for both of us. After that we went on all sorts of crazy rides and stood in crazy lines to get on those rides, Ahh great times! Afterwards mommy would always take us to the outlets, Coach to be exact and let us get whatever we wanted.

This past summer as back to school was getting closer for Tayler she complained every day “I don’t want to go back to school, I did not even get to do anything fun this summer.” My mother raised her eyebrow and said “It is highly untrue that you had no fun this summer, but I’ll take you and Danielle to the shore next weekend.” Trips to the shore were always fun filled with The Wildwoods rides, the beach, boardwalk, games at Gateway 26, and ice cream at Shelly’s and of course Elvis Radio blasted the whole ride down and back. I took a vacation day that Friday as we were leaving that night. I remember it was a lazy Friday for me and as always another lazy day for Tayler as we lay on the couch, while mommy sat there playing angry birds on her iPad. It was about one o’clock and mommy said to us “What are you girls going to eat for lunch?” We looked at each other and said “Macaroni and cheese please, but make the shells kind.” Mommy looked up from her iPad and said “I didn’t ask what you wanted, I asked what you were having as in the kitchen is two rooms away, go make it yourselves.” I thought Tayler was going to pass out off the couch and on to the floor as she said”Are you serious?” I quickly came to the rescue and said”Mom, I can see if we asked for a cheese sandwich or cereal then we MIGHT be able to fend for ourselves, but macaroni and cheese involves the stove, cheese and who knows what else! Plus no one makes it like you do mommy.” My Mother let out a sigh as she got up to make our lunch and said“what are you two going to do when I am gone?” Tayler and I laughed hysterically rolling on the floor as we looked up and said “SIKE! You’re stuck with us forever Mommy”

.. Little did we know the joke was on us ..

Early September 2011, mommy passed away in her sleep. Everyone kept saying how she was called “Home” and I remember Tayler saying to me “What’s so great about being called ‘Home’ if you ask me she was perfectly happy in the ‘home’ she was in.” I agreed, but apparently God didn’t feel the need to ask our opinions.

I was flipping out one day that week and Tayler said to me “DUDE will you just chill?” I screamed, “CHILL? I have a million things to do! I have to write mommy’s eulogy, pick up Seattle folks at the airport, clean whole house top to bottom and put a zillion pictures together in a collage and time is running out!”

She looked at me and said “Everything will get completed and will work out fine. I’ll take off from school the rest of the week and help you clean the house, put the collages together, you can write the eulogy while I go pick the Seattle family up at the airport; so where are your car keys?” I may have been having a breakdown, but my mind was not gone enough to give her my car keys at fifteen, but an A+ for effort on her part. We stayed up late nights and worked hard and as it turns out everything did work out fine and on time that week and mommy had a beautiful send off.

---

I noticed a change in Tayler and as everyone resumed their daily routines, it was that time that she and I would enter “The Wonder Years” – Wondering what we would do now that mommy was gone. Tayler mentioned to me “Mommy taught us well and while we did not always listen, we always heard every word she said and every lesson she taught us; sort of like saving money in a piggy bank - it’s there for when you need it and until then we don't touch it.   Plus we have each other always and forever and we will be okay. Oh and we have to be good because she is watching us.”

I sat there wondering who that child was and where my ‘complaining partner in crime’ went. She was absolutely right though. Despite the fact of how spoiled we were; my mother always taught us what to do, how to appropriately act and handle life situations as they come up and indeed we would be okay. As the older person in the equation, I felt the need to step up and look out for her, but it was not the case. We are to teach each other things and keep each other grounded and act as each other’s safety nets – we are a team. In a ‘fight or flight’ response, Tayler steps up to the plate when need be for everyone she comes in contact with. She is genuine, loving and beautiful and always will be; and by judging how wonderful she is now, there is no doubt in my mind that she will grow to become a fine young lady - classy and successful just like her big sissy!

We are still partners in crime and at times up to no good until this day, but all “minor” complaints and we know mommy is always watching so “we will not misbehave ... too much.”

Daddy's Girl

"Yes, I AM Daddy's Girl!"

--

I finally snagged some courage to go through a box called "Kathy's Stuff."

Not knowing what I would find, I continued and opened it.  It was no surprise that my mother kept everything important to her.  That box held memories of all her accomplishments:  diplomas, baptism and confirmation certificates, etc., all of her wedding cards and cards of congratulations on the birth of her two children.  This list goes on, but you get the point.  There was one piece that caught my eye.  A piece written by my father; AND who knew Johnny was a writer in his day.  It was a very beautiful piece, handwritten, dated, signed and as a fellow lefty he stapled the four pages together on the top right side of the pages, gotta love him.  The thing that struck me was the fact that he opened his story with a Quote/Poem.  If you read any of my writings, I always do that, helps spin the inspiration of what is to come.

His writing style is very much like mine or should I say mine is very much like his.

Interesting what you find out when you nosey through "stuff."    

Super Bowl XLVI

“She was a true New Yorker – she yelled, spoke and drove like one and was a faithful Met’s and NY Giants fan; I imagine it is a little late for her to turn the Met’s around, but do not be surprised with a NY Giants super bowl win this year.” – Danielle Vermitsky

I wrote those words into my mother’s eulogy on September 8, 2011. 

On February 5, 2012, The NY Giants went on to win Super Bowl XLVI. 

The regular season started off fantastic and then the Giants fell into a slum of losses so I began to think those words above would never be fulfilled and my faith dwindled.  I sat there and thought to myself, “How silly of me to think that my mother the NY Giants # 1 fan would have any pull in heaven to carry them to victory.” 

However, things began to happen and my faith began to restore. 

The NY Giants squeaked into the playoffs with a regular season ending at 9-7.  First game was the wild card playoffs on January 8, 2012 against the Atlanta Falcons, it was anyone’s game, but Big Blue prevailed so on to the next round.  On January 15, 2012, Big Blue defeated the Green Bay Packers and won the division playoffs.  The Conference Championship was at stake on January 22, 2012 against the San Francisco 49’ers.  A very good and CLOSE game, but Blue won and were off to Super Bowl XLVI for a re-match against the New England Patriots. 

Big Blue Prevailed and brought the Vince Lombardi home to New York, where it belongs! 

Blind Faith

"Why, when I needed you most, you have not been there for me?"  The Lord replied, "The times when you have seen only one set of footprints, is when I carried you." - Mary Stevenson

After the chronicles of my life took place in September 2011, my hope and faith quickly diminished.  I was appalled and resentful, in fact the last church service I had attended to date aside from my mother's funeral was the 'last rights' prayer service led by Fr. Daniel Rocco around my mother's bed before the funeral home took her out.  So to spite God, I turned away; I needed time to think and would perhaps revisit my decision in the future.

Shortly after, my father became very ill, it was so bad I remember thinking "at least when we order mommy's grave stone we will save money by adding my father's dates too, all in one shot."  I then remember sitting in his hospital room one night, I looked up and spoke, "God, if your trying to win me back then you need a new game plan because this is not cutting it."

While the title of this piece is called Blind Faith it should not be confused with its literal meaning of having absolute faith in any circumstance knowing everything will work out in the end, but rather I was literally blind to any faith and thought surely there is no reason for such pain, just a run around and God laughing at my expense.

Time moved on and my father began to get well.  However I was not fooled, "This is all a tease; my father will get well and come home and start to dwindle all over again."

Time passed on and my father came home after a two month tour and three hospitals later.  After having him home for two days so far, I realize my father didn't come home; my 'daddy' came home, the man I remember as a little girl where he was full of energy and passion for for life.

Reflecting back, had God not blessed my father with such a near death experience then we all would have carried on with our miserable lives where the tension of all of us giving up would surely explode one day for the absolute worse, but we are no longer living that life of misery; things are peaceful, happy and working out.  The old adage is true, "Everything happens for a reason, while we may not realize it initially; it will be revealed through time."

The Seventh Life is a Charm

James Franco wrote “There is no force on earth more powerful than the will to live.”

The above quote describes my father perfectly.  He is a quiet man who spends ninety nine percent of his time observing conversation rather than participating, but the other one percent is always dedicated to a one line zinger in the middle of conversations and usually in front of a crowd of people where everyone's laughter, including his is at your expense.  My father is a remarkable man in many ways, but his will to fight and live through a multitude of injuries and health issues is one that should be commended. 

His health battles started back when he served in Vietnam.  He was a courageous man and fought like hell through many battles for many years, but ultimately ended up wounded, however that still did not stop him, and after he recovered he kept going.  He was honored with a Purple Heart for his heroic acts and very well deserved.  After much dedication to his country and many years of service, he was able to come home to be with his family.  A year later, he was with his family at a dive bar in Brooklyn, NY on New Years Eve.  His brother was to be setup with a lovely lady from the neighborhood.  My father sat at the bar and next to him was a woman who smoothly sweet talked him into buying her drinks of red wine.  They shot the shit and my dad sat there nervous as he as he spoke and finally pulled the courage together to ask her out on a date, she said “sure why not.” 

That “lovely lady” would soon become his wife a year later and life is funny as she was the one who my father’s brother was to be setup with that night, only my uncle never showed.

My father always had a strong will to live and given his war experiences it was a tough battle mentally, but my mother brought a certain spark to light up his life.  He was very much fascinated by her and did anything for her as well as promised to not only take care of her and their future family, but give her whatever she wanted for the rest of their lives.  Little did he know that what she wanted constantly consisted of diamonds and cars, but whatever she wanted as long as she did the food shopping, he was good to go – a very simple man.

After a few years of married life, my father was on his way home from work.  All of a sudden and car slammed into his little blue chevette.  The rest was unknown to him and for three weeks, my mother visited him every day at the hospital as he fought his way and pulled through.  Years later his first child was born on June 20th, my brother and my mother’s “sun” – the light of her life.  Two years later a little pumpkin of joy was born into their lives on October 30th, a baby girl that had daddy wrapped around her fingers from day one; two more reasons for him to fight and battle in life to do anything to keep going and enjoy.

Years had passed and my brother and I were teenagers and dad had a developed a hernia.  It was a simple operation to fix so no worries, right?  Well the operation went very well, so well that he was released from Kennedy the same day.  My mother was apprehensive, but he was sent home.  I remember waking up to my grandfather at the house saying my father was taken to the emergency room as he had exploded with a major infection.  Weeks went on and my father pulled through as my mother faithfully visited him every day.

Life continued and a few years had passed.  John-Paul was en route in his PhD. program at Drexel University and I was an undergraduate at LaSalle University.  Another hernia developed for dad and it was major.  After years of procrastination, my mother commanded he get it taken care of.  He agreed, but his exact words were “I am not going back to Kennedy; in fact I would NEVER go there again – not even for a paper cut; take me over the bridge to Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania.”  My mother agreed and arrangements were made. 

Day of the operation, the three of us sat in the waiting room and the doctor finally came out and stated “the surgery went very well.”  So as the three of us poured out a sigh of relief, the doctor continued and said “the surgery was a success, however his lungs are very weak and they collapsed on the table so we had to take action and put him in a medically induced coma and hooked him up on 100% oxygen, but we have Penn’s finest working him 24/7.”  After we all lifted our tongues of the floor, we went in to see him and we had to suit up in masks and sanitary robe things.  It was a very sad state and my heart dropped as I was convinced daddy would not survive.  Two and a half months later, my father was brought out of his medically induced coma and started a road to recovery.  A month later he ended up in a Physical therapy rehab for another month.  What a long journey, but as always we were by his side – especially my mother, everyday no question about it. 

About nine years later, my great uncle became very ill and was in the hospital for quite some time.  We would visit on weekends and he lives in a quaint town in Bangor, PA on a peaceful farm land.  After a few weeks, my mother told my father “just please go and stay at the house and visit him.”  He agreed as he did whatever my mother wanted, always.  My father enjoyed his time alone there and took care of my great uncle even as he stayed a few weeks extra after he came home.  Turns out my great uncle needed an inspection on his car so my father said “let’s go, you can’t drive yet, but take a ride with me.”  Off they went and his Audi from like the 1920’s passed inspection.  So my great uncle turns around to my father and said “I am ready to give driving a try, let me drive home.”  My father agreed and off they went, again my father was a simple man and agreed to many things; even out of the normal.  My great uncle was pulling into his driveway and hit the gas instead of the break and sent the car flying into a brick barn accompanied by a lovely tree that use to dwell there.  My uncle walked away, not a scratch on him.  My father was a different story; he never liked to wear his seatbelt and was plunged through the windshield.  So off we went to see dad at Pocono Medical, it was awful – he was covered in blood and stitches.  Day after day I would come home from a long day at work and I found my mother standing there saying “you ready.”  Initially I would turn around and say “yes, my bed is calling me.”  She laughed and said “let’s go, your father is in the hospital and I want to see him.”  I felt like saying, “you know how to drive,” but I did whatever she wanted and drove the three hour trek for a fifty minute visit and back – day after day.  After two weeks he came home to much needed medical attention after, but again pulled through. 

Life moved on and my parents were two weeks away from a cruise with great friends and on a bright and sunny Saturday morning at 5AM I received a call from my mother.  I panicked and said “hey what’s up?”  She replied "your father is having a heart attack; his pacemaker keeps blasting him back to life."  I rushed up and my mother turns around and says “The shocking stopped so I am going to do my hair and makeup.”  I told her to hurry up the paramedics will probably be here any minute.  She said “He is okay sitting there, that “Cadillac” pacemaker did its job so I will call 911 when I am done my hair – surely you don’t expect me to go to like this?”  I didn’t argue with the woman and again a week later my father pulled through and was home for recovery.  I sat there and jokingly said to my mother “good thing you always get insurance or vacations, huh?”  She looked at me with a blank stare and said “what do you mean?”  I replied, “Well dad just got home and is recovering so I assume the cruise is cancelled?”  She replied, “Are you crazy?  If the man’s ‘going to go’ he will be done whether he is on a cruise ship or sitting in his chair and he will be sorrier if he ruins my cruise.”  So they went on the cruise and had a wonderful time, my father pulled through. 

Unfortunately, that was the last cruise my parents would ever sail together.  On September 04, 2011 my mother passed peacefully in her sleep.  What a complete shock, I believe time stopped that day; at least it did for us.

Dad took it hard as we all did, but his original will to carry on was no longer present and he began to dwindle right before our eyes.  Unsurprisingly, health issues came up and smacked him right in the ass one day, literally!  He lay in a pool of blood with an internal bleed.  My brother found him and called 911.  Turns out he lost seven units of blood and his blood pressure was 60 over ZERO!  I kept in touch with my brother as I rushed out of work and said try Penn, but will probably be Virtua.  He agreed and called me and said “we are on our way to Kennedy, it is close and he has no time.”  He lay there practically dead in the ICU and I knew it was over.  I had become in no mood for anyone and thought how horrible to lose both my parents in less than two months.  Yet he held on and issue after issue came up, but fortunately we were able to reach out to Penn’s finest and in a seven hour time frame calls were made and strings were pulled and my father took a first class flight on PennStar and was promptly cared for.  Two months later, I was visiting him at the current physical therapy rehab and we had a nice talk.  He has pulled through physically and now mentally, even with the loss of his wife and best friend.  He looked me straight in the eye tonight and said “I am ready to leave; tomorrow the physical therapist will give me a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to bust out of this joint and it better be a ‘yes’ because I have big plans.  I am busting out the instruments and getting back to playing them, I am going to go to the gym everyday and I am buying a new car and will travel to see my buddies.”  I was so pleased and I said “You’re finally going to get your Cadillac, huh?”  He turned around and said to me “Nah, your mother always wanted the Buick Lacrosse, she never got it, but I always gave her anything she wanted and I won’t stop here.  I am going to get one of those customized license plates that says ‘4 Kat’ and she will have her Lacrosse.” 

My heart melted and that is usually rare for me, but I am very happy to see my father today the way he is.  He is optimistic, full of life and energy and still has that sense of humor!  So in honor of his 65^th birthday on January 30^th may he enjoy his “seventh life,” we love you and may he always remember that his wife is watching over him, so he shall not “misbehave.”  

Shoes

I am wearing a pair of shoes. They are ugly shoes. Uncomfortable shoes. I hate my shoes. Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair. Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step. Yet, I continue to wear them. I get funny looks wearing these shoes. They are looks of sympathy. I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs. They never talk about my shoes. To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable. To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them. But, once you put them on, you can NEVER take them off. I realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes. There are many pairs in this world. Some people are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them. Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much. Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think about how much they hurt. No person deserves to wear these shoes. Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger person. These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.  They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a child who has lost her Mother.

The Final Task

Pearl S. Buck wrote:

“Some Mothers are kissing Mothers and some Mothers are disciplining Mothers, but the love is just the same; and most Mothers are both.”

The Woman we celebrate today was exactly both AND she was not only a Mother to John-Paul and I, but to all of us here and then some.

If you were a toddler, She showed love by spoiling you rotten and fixing you’re boo-boo when you scraped your knee and if She had to discipline you, you stood in the corner and afterwards wrote “I will not misbehave” about two-thousand times!

As you became a teenager, She showed the same love by continuing to spoil you, fixing your boo-boo’s and gave you solid advice on life’s happenings and what to expect and of course if you needed discipline, She made you clean her house from top to bottom and perhaps made you write “I will not misbehave” over and over depending on how much paper she had left in the house.

Even as adults the same love applied. She loved and spoiled you just the same; helping to fix “life’s” boo-boo’s with a solution and game plan to make “everything work out” regardless.  As far as discipline, she held true no matter what age you were, she looked you straight in the eye and at that point you just knew you were in trouble; if you were quick enough you ran, but when she caught up with you, you wrote “I will not misbehave” over and over.

The common denominator was always unconditional love and support, sometimes the love was “tough love,” but it was love none-the-less.

She mothered many children as well as adults, but she was proud of each and every one of us and she always took pride in her work!

She was a devoted wife or some would say “ball and chain” for over 36 years!  My father put it best the other day when he said “I am still waiting for her to come in the room and start yelling at me,” but the love and devotion they had for each other was truly amazing.

She was a traveler; on September 4th the cruise lines took a huge dive in business as they now have one less customer every four months.  She planned vacations accordingly and frequently as she well deserved them.

She was a true New Yorker – she yelled, spoke and drove like one and was a faithful Met’s and NY Giants fan; I imagine it is a little late for her to turn the Met’s around, but do not be surprised with a NY Giants super bowl win this year.

Her faith was very important to her; she was an active member of St. Jude’s church for many years, volunteered with the St. Vincent DePaul Society and the Franciscan Mystery players.

As all of us here are experiencing an extreme void in our hearts, know that my mother was called to continue her work, not only to watch and guide all of us from above, but to take care of two very special babies who passed before her, Janet and Christian.  These kids have been blessed with an amazing teacher and she will show them the ropes and call upon them to watch over all of us as well.

Today we continue to celebrate her life and continue to carry out her legacy of providing care, love and support for one and other.

Remember she will always be watching us, so "WE WILL NOT misbehave!"