Nostalgic Bloopers - Watermelon Seeds, Stamps and Collage

“I don't think it's healthy to take yourself too seriously; if you can’t laugh at yourself who can you laugh at.” – Payne Stewart

Watermelon is fully back in season and as I was at Whole Foods buying some already cut up and seeds taken out I remembered funny a story and was inspired to write about a few ‘bloopers’ of my life where common sense took a day trip and laughs were shared at my expense and a little piece from my brother’s life too!

Five years ago I ran The Revolutionary Run on the Fourth of July.  The race was a great time and afterwards they had a nice display of fruit.  One thing that stood out for me was the watermelon.  It was perfectly cut and the race organizers took every seed out.  I thought that was a nice touch and was very impressed.  As I got home my mother asked how the race was and I replied, “It was great and they had lots of fruit afterwards and guess what mom!”  She replied, “What?”  I said, “Someone took all the seeds out of the watermelon so we wouldn't have to pick through, isn’t that impressive?”  She had a look on her face like she was ready to scratch her head wondering why she paid for that undergraduate degree from the university, but she kindly replied, “That’s wonderful Danielle, sounds like you really enjoyed it, however is it possible that the watermelon was seedless?”

In my defense, I did not know seedless watermelon existed.

My mother told everyone the story.

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It was a summer day and I had the day off, my mother sat there writing out the bills and placing them in their appropriate envelope.  She ran out of stamps and asked me if I would go to the post office and buy stamps, place them on the envelopes and mail out.  I agreed and was on my merry way and as I ran outside with envelopes in hand my mother screamed “stamps go on the upper right side of the envelope.”  I replied back, “I know, I know, do I look like an idiot?”

I arrived at the post office and got a book of stamps and went to the side counter and placed a stamp on the first five envelopes which all had the ‘place stamp here’ box.  I flipped to the sixth, seventh, eighth and ninth envelope and they did not have the little ‘place stamp here boxes.’  I thought to myself that’s very nice of the company not to require any postage, so didn't place a stamp on those dropped all the envelopes in the mailbox and headed back home.  I gave my mom the remaining stamps and she said, “Change.”  I said, oh it’s in my car; I’ll get it later” – meaning she would never see it again, that’s how I roll.  I went in the living room and all of a sudden hear my mother call, “Danielle!”  I said, “What?”  She replied “are you a light bulb with that ‘what’ business, come here.”

I knew that was coming, one of my mother’s number one rules – never say ‘what’ when she calls you, always go see what she wants in person.

I went in the kitchen and she said, “I gave you nine envelopes and you only used five stamps.”  I was quick to reply, “Yes five envelopes had the ‘place stamp here’ box, but the other four didn't so must not require postage” and I went on about how nice it was of those companies not to require postage and how all companies should do that.

She again had a look on her face like she was ready to throw my undergraduate diploma out the window, but kindly replied “Danielle, EVERYTHING requires postage!  The box is a courtesy, however if there is no box then it still needs a stamp at the top right, are you sure you’re going to school for your Master's Degree?” 

Well that was beyond me, but my mother called all nine companies and explained the situation, they noted it and said call back in three to five business days and if we have not received the payment we can do a payment by phone and you will not be held responsible for any late fees. 

Phew, I dodged that one and lesson learned.

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To make myself feel better after revealing such experiences, I figured I would throw in a ‘blooper’ from my brother’s life.  He was a senior in High School and was applying to several colleges.  He said to me “I wrote all my entry essays can you edit since you are good at ‘inglish’ and ‘speling.’  I agreed and he gave me the drafts.

Every one of them started off with “I would like to attend you ‘collage’ because  ...”

I revised them all and am proud to say my brother did attend college and received his Undergraduate Degree, Masters Degree and PhD.

We all have those moments and it is important to laugh at them along with others.  Those moments do not define who we are or how smart we are, they just happen so laughter can be shared as you never know who is in need of a nice smile.  

The Last Hurrah

“Lightening crashes and a Mother Dies” – Live

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“If you’re going to go then you might as well go out in style” – Kathleen Vermitsky

My mother did indeed utter those words above in her lifetime; many years ago as we had a series of deaths including family and friends each one of them had a final living send off where they saw people they had not seen in a while, the final living send off was a party full of great times and lasting memories.

It was November 2007 when my Uncle Paul turned fifty.  My Aunt MaryAnn had a nice party for him and we trekked to VA to attend.  My great Uncle Paul (Ounfer) said, “I’ll go as long as Danielle drives, she is such a pleasant driver and I enjoy our time together.”

Anyway, my great Uncle Paul was going, which was a shocker as he had never been to the area, he was content just seeing the family when they came to NJ.  The party was a great time, after much chardonnay Great Uncle Paul gave a speech – it involved a peacock and a mow hawk and I forget the exact details, but everyone enjoyed the story, laughed and toasted to it.

We all had a blast!

Less than a month later, my Great Uncle Paul passed away.

My mother was beside herself and did not know what to do, he was a prime example of a father figure to her – certainly more than her own father ever was.  She did speak of the party and how Uncle Paul saw everyone before he passed and isn’t that strange, I replied “yes, eerie you never know.”    

Fast forward to 2011, my mother and I were shopping at the mall and went in Bath and Body works where she ran into an old friend from a Child Care organization, Family Tree.  We had not seen the lady in years, but alas we were reconnected.

Similar instances happened with ‘run ins’ from folks we have not seen in years, many times.

It was Labor Day weekend and my mother had the bright idea to have a BBQ.  We NEVER have BBQ’S, but we did that weekend on September 3, 2011.  It was a great time from what I heard and attended.  Lots of laughing and crazy times with many ‘tingling’ moments and only a select few will know what I mean by that.  Point being, memories were made and cherished.

September 4, 2011 we all woke up to get ready for Steven’s Christening – everyone EXCEPT my mother.  It was a shock to say the least that she passed away throughout the night - however when I look back, I pinpoint all those unaccountable times when my mother reunited with folks and had a final word, it makes you wonder.

I share this piece because we are approaching Memorial Day Weekend which in conjunction goes hand and had with Labor Day Weekend so it too becomes a melon collie situation.  Every day of my life, let alone holidays will never be the same.  I must say, she did go out in style, but unfortunately that party was her ‘Last Hurrah.’

A Day In The Life Of My iPhone

I have a thankless job, but I literally stick by your side 24/7.

I was developed by humans, yet I am more intelligent than all of you and I become wiser each year. 

I wear many hats. 

I start my day off as an alarm clock and after twenty seven minutes and five snooze button hits I turn into a Facebook page to update you of what happened while you were asleep.  After Facebook I turn into an MMS engine so you can continue your important conversations with all of your friends.  Before you go to take your shower you stick a USB cable up my rear so I can re-energize.  After a short break, I turn into a meteorologist providing you with the weather so you know how to appropriately dress for the day.  I then turn back to a Facebook page so you can see who else is awake.  I get a brief break, but quickly turn back into Facebook so you can check us into Starbucks.  Next I become a dietitian  warning you how many calories are in that brownie and successfully persuade to get a banana instead.  Since we are at Starbucks every day, there is no need for me to let the barista know that you want a venti coffee bold as they already know;  I then pay for your coffee and banana as you swipe my home screen across the scanner because I link to your Starbucks gold card account and I’d hate for you to have to actually remember where your card is let alone get it out and hand it to the cashier.  We then get back in the car where you prick my rear again to re-energize me with the car charger.  I simultaneously become a GPS and traffic cam as you kindly say in your ‘sunny morning voice,’ “take me to work and route me accordingly so I don’t hit traffic.”

We arrive at work and I become a Facebook page again so we can check-in as if people don’t already know you work Monday through Friday.  As we walk in the building I serve as a distraction to the security guard as you pretend to make a phone call so you don’t get stuck in a five minute conversation with him; I will one day call you out and ring while you’re on your pretend phone call, remember that.  As we make it up to the third floor as you throw me on your desk, which is annoying by the way as my screen cracks easily and I am very expensive to replace so be kind and gentle.  I get intermittent breaks as you work, but I am always on guard and light up as a new phone call, e-mail, Facebook and/or text message arrives.  You quickly pick me up, see what’s going on and then slam me back on your desk.  After a few hours it’s time for a few meetings; I am privileged to attend these meetings as you think you’re so important that someone may need to get a hold of you during, however I know the truth.  We sit there and I turn into a blank page so you can type your meeting notes.  After a while the meeting becomes a bore I have to quickly become a Facebook page so we can post the following status “Zzzz’s” and then I have to switch to an angry birds game to help you pass the time.  Our day continues like such and then it is time to go home.  Again I get pricked in the rear with a charger and I simultaneously become a GPS and traffic cam as you command “take me home and route me accordingly so I don’t hit traffic.”  As I lay there on the passenger seat and mind you I am not buckled in, I finally turn into a victim as I hear you scream, “I said route me with NO traffic.”  Un-be-known to you I took you the route with the LEAST traffic as the turnpike, 295, 95 and the blue route were all jammed, but I sit there quietly and take such abuse.

We finally arrive home and I turn into the garage door opener as you command me to “open garage” and after you pull in you command me to “close garage.”  A little please and thank you would occasionally be appreciated, just sayin’.  We get in your ‘Palace’ and you throw me on your desk again where  I get intermittent breaks, but I am always on guard and light up as a new phone call, e-mail, Facebook and/or text message arrives.  Often times I serve as a communication device that allows you to hear another human’s voice and you two chat.  Finally it is bed time; after you prick me in the rear again with a charger I realize that I have some alone time as I sleep by your bedside accompanied by my partner in crime, your iPad.  You toss and turn as I try to rest and you use the iPad to check Facebook as you are blind and she has a bigger home screen, but I don’t get offended as I like my rest.  All of a sudden I am snatched up as you cannot sleep and am taken to the gym at midnight.  I didn’t plan on working in the wee morning hours, but as you wish and I have to work double time as I become your jukebox and personal trainer as I track your miles ran and calories burned.  We finally arrive home where you catch another hour of sleep while I prepare for my big debut as the alarm clock and get ready for another similar day.      

Seatbelts Save Lives

“It is important to live for the moment in the present, as ‘now’ is all we are ever promised.” – Danielle Vermitsky

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Venti Starbucks coffee = $2.41, Cracked iPhone = $400.00, Totaled Mazda 6 = $27,425.00, Walking away from the accident and not a single scratch = PRICELESS!

It was December 5, 2010 and the final payment came out for my car.  It was my first brand new car I had purchased and paid off myself.  What a sigh of relief and I told my mother.  She congratulated me and said “enjoy, you maintain it very well and it will go another 170k miles.” 

I loved that car.    

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After the snow storm of December 2010, it was a Sunday night and met the boy at Starbucks.  The ride up 168 South was horrific as they did not plow so on the way home I decided to take the AC Expressway as that surely had to be clear. 

It was clear all right, so clear I didn’t see the black ice patch I hit that sent my Mazda in a whirlwind of crazy moves before it flipped into the gully on the side of the road.  I sat there thinking “Ooops!” as my cell phone was cracked and dangling in my face from the console charger, I presumed I was flipped upside down at that point.  I grabbed the phone and was able to navigate the home screen to call my mother; I told her I had a little fender bender.  She was like “Oh no, where are you?”  I replied, “Oh you know just sitting here on the AC Expressway in a gully upside down.”  She was not amused, but gathered my father and they were on their way.  Three men pulled over to help me and I remember hearing them, one yelled “I have an axe in my truck so I am going to see if I can smash the back window and we can try to get to the person out.”  I remember yelling “Oh no don’t break my window, I am ok – just don’t break my window.” 

Then the thought occurred to me that maybe breaking the back window would not make a difference as I sat there in a pile of snow with a shattered windshield and being flipped upside down perhaps put a few dents in my car. 

The men were able to break the back window and pull me out.  Next thing I remember is the police, ambulance, fire trucks and my parents showing up.  Police officer said to me “license and registration.”  I looked at him ready to roll my eyes, but kindly replied, “The registration is in the glove compartment and is locked and license is in my handbag.”  He was not amused as he had to trek to the car and try and find everything.  He came back a half hour later with my handbag and registration, I opened my handbag and was like “Oh yeah I forgot, my license is in the center console of the car.”  He said to me, “Are you serious” as he scurried back to the car to find.

Everything became settled, police officer declared this a no fault accident due to natural causes and my car was towed away. 

Next day my mother spoke with the insurance company and adjuster and said they would send the car to Rocco’s Collision to have it repaired.  I was very happy as I thought my orange ‘punkin’ was totaled.  I went to the tow place to sign the paperwork to have it sent to Rocco’s and when I saw my car I said to the guy “Oh wow, I can’t believe that is fixable.”  He burst out laughing as he said “Honey the only people who have seen this car is you and me – this will ultimately be sent to the junk yard.”  As it turns out he was right.  My mother and I went to Rocco’s and gather my stuff out of the car and as we left my mother saw a tear stream down my face and she said “go back around, get out and say good bye again, I’ll wait in the car.”  I did just that and also stole a floor mat as a keepsake. 

I share this story as a lesson as you never know when life will flip upside down, literally.  I was very lucky to walk away with not even a scratch, just a few aches and pains the following days, but all fixable.  However, it seems we take so much for granted these days that we miss out on enjoying the present for what it is.  I could have easily been sent to the graveyard in a matter of a split second, but instead my car was sent to the junk yard.  It also, goes to prove that material items are just that.  They are nice to have, but not worth needing or stressing over; while I loved that car, I am still alive without it.  The real items worth needing are the good times and laughs with family and friends as well as the heart to heart chats that make everything all better.  So just enjoy and do something in the ‘NOW.’  

Mother

It’s my first Mother’s Day in Heaven, but I my role as a Mother has never ended.

I can no longer be with my two children, Danielle and John-Paul on earthly grounds, but I watch over them from a bird’s eye view 24/7.

And I want them to know ..

I was the tire that blew out for them on the road and delayed their destination by twenty-five minutes as there was a horrific accident that occurred ahead at the time they would have arrived twenty-five minutes later and it would have been them;

I was their dogs bark at two in the morning that woke them up as if they had slept through the night they would have had a nightmare so chilling it would have terrified them;

I was the cold wind and rain they felt as they went to leave for work to remind them to wear a jacket and take their umbrella. 

You see I can no longer be with them, hug them or help point them in the right direction in person, but I am always with them and always will be.  I will still let them make those one off decisions that lead them to realize, "maybe that was not such a great idea," as they grow better by learning for themselves, but will always keep a close watch and redirect certain situations where at the end of the day, they know it was me.   

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It’s my first Mother’s Day in Heaven, but I my role as a Mother has never ended.

The term Mother is universal, once you accept the task it becomes who you are and what you do, not only to your own children, but you play the role for all those in need.  I can see my children now sitting there twiddling their thumbs and rolling their eyes as they hear and/or see another commercial about Mother’s Day.  They don’t understand and this Mother’s Day will be hard for them.

But I want them to know ..

For every child God takes from this world, he in return also takes someone’s Mother.  God has welcomed me into Heaven and blessed me with a child to take care of that I never had the opportunity to meet and care for in person.  I cannot replace her own  Mother, but for the time being I’ve showed her the ropes and will smile with pride when she gives me a handmade card designed from her heart with markers and finger paints this Sunday (May 13, 2012) simply thanking me for all I do.  Similarly I’ve placed Mother’s all over for my children to seek and rely on.  It is an in explainable trade off, but the beauty is that everyone is taken care of.

My Two Cents

Energy and persistence conquer all things. - Benjamin Franklin

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Thirty years ago, doctors discovered that I had craniosynostosis which is a condition in which one or more of the fibrous sutures in an infant skull prematurely fuses by ossification, thereby changing the growth pattern of the skull.  My parents decided to have the surgery to correct this for me and if I were to successfully pull through then there was to be that I would encounter difficulties down the road, such as not being able to speak, learning at a very slow pace and difficulties with walking and such.  At five months old, I went under the knife and pulled through successfully. 

I remember my mother talking about this often with me, mostly when I would look at a portrait she had of me at five months old and I would always comment on what a great picture that is.  She would tell the story every time, “That was right before your surgery, your father and I had that taken just in case you didn’t survive – we would always have the picture.”  Was always kind of an eerie thought and story to hear, but I pulled through so becomes one of those laughable moments. 

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The doctors said I may never be able to speak, yet I have not stopped talking since I was one year old.

The doctors said that I would not develop proper movement skills and would have difficulty even walking, yet to date I’ve completed countless races ranging from 5K’s to the Marathon, completed a triathlon, The Tough Mudder Challenge and practiced Martial Arts and received my Black Belt.

The doctors said I would endure difficulty with learning and struggle greatly in school, yet I sailed through school, graduated college from LaSalle University and even went back for more to complete my Masters Degree in Information Technology Leadership. 

As I sit here and write, I look to my left a see a wall filled with countless race bibs and medals hanging on my wall and as I look to the right I see trophy’s from various races and karate tournaments accompanied by my undergraduate and graduate diplomas on the wall along with various certificates from Microsoft, (ISC) ² and CompTIA.

Now the point of the story is not to toot my own horn, but to relay the message that whatever your goals are in life, then you should shoot for them no matter what regardless of the fact if others tell you that you simply cannot or will not meet them.  The only person who can tell you what you want and will achieve is you! 

So I encourage all of you to set high goals and toot your own horn along the way as whatever you achieve in life deserves to be commended.