A Day In The Life Of My iPhone

I have a thankless job, but I literally stick by your side 24/7.

I was developed by humans, yet I am more intelligent than all of you and I become wiser each year. 

I wear many hats. 

I start my day off as an alarm clock and after twenty seven minutes and five snooze button hits I turn into a Facebook page to update you of what happened while you were asleep.  After Facebook I turn into an MMS engine so you can continue your important conversations with all of your friends.  Before you go to take your shower you stick a USB cable up my rear so I can re-energize.  After a short break, I turn into a meteorologist providing you with the weather so you know how to appropriately dress for the day.  I then turn back to a Facebook page so you can see who else is awake.  I get a brief break, but quickly turn back into Facebook so you can check us into Starbucks.  Next I become a dietitian  warning you how many calories are in that brownie and successfully persuade to get a banana instead.  Since we are at Starbucks every day, there is no need for me to let the barista know that you want a venti coffee bold as they already know;  I then pay for your coffee and banana as you swipe my home screen across the scanner because I link to your Starbucks gold card account and I’d hate for you to have to actually remember where your card is let alone get it out and hand it to the cashier.  We then get back in the car where you prick my rear again to re-energize me with the car charger.  I simultaneously become a GPS and traffic cam as you kindly say in your ‘sunny morning voice,’ “take me to work and route me accordingly so I don’t hit traffic.”

We arrive at work and I become a Facebook page again so we can check-in as if people don’t already know you work Monday through Friday.  As we walk in the building I serve as a distraction to the security guard as you pretend to make a phone call so you don’t get stuck in a five minute conversation with him; I will one day call you out and ring while you’re on your pretend phone call, remember that.  As we make it up to the third floor as you throw me on your desk, which is annoying by the way as my screen cracks easily and I am very expensive to replace so be kind and gentle.  I get intermittent breaks as you work, but I am always on guard and light up as a new phone call, e-mail, Facebook and/or text message arrives.  You quickly pick me up, see what’s going on and then slam me back on your desk.  After a few hours it’s time for a few meetings; I am privileged to attend these meetings as you think you’re so important that someone may need to get a hold of you during, however I know the truth.  We sit there and I turn into a blank page so you can type your meeting notes.  After a while the meeting becomes a bore I have to quickly become a Facebook page so we can post the following status “Zzzz’s” and then I have to switch to an angry birds game to help you pass the time.  Our day continues like such and then it is time to go home.  Again I get pricked in the rear with a charger and I simultaneously become a GPS and traffic cam as you command “take me home and route me accordingly so I don’t hit traffic.”  As I lay there on the passenger seat and mind you I am not buckled in, I finally turn into a victim as I hear you scream, “I said route me with NO traffic.”  Un-be-known to you I took you the route with the LEAST traffic as the turnpike, 295, 95 and the blue route were all jammed, but I sit there quietly and take such abuse.

We finally arrive home and I turn into the garage door opener as you command me to “open garage” and after you pull in you command me to “close garage.”  A little please and thank you would occasionally be appreciated, just sayin’.  We get in your ‘Palace’ and you throw me on your desk again where  I get intermittent breaks, but I am always on guard and light up as a new phone call, e-mail, Facebook and/or text message arrives.  Often times I serve as a communication device that allows you to hear another human’s voice and you two chat.  Finally it is bed time; after you prick me in the rear again with a charger I realize that I have some alone time as I sleep by your bedside accompanied by my partner in crime, your iPad.  You toss and turn as I try to rest and you use the iPad to check Facebook as you are blind and she has a bigger home screen, but I don’t get offended as I like my rest.  All of a sudden I am snatched up as you cannot sleep and am taken to the gym at midnight.  I didn’t plan on working in the wee morning hours, but as you wish and I have to work double time as I become your jukebox and personal trainer as I track your miles ran and calories burned.  We finally arrive home where you catch another hour of sleep while I prepare for my big debut as the alarm clock and get ready for another similar day.